Parenting is a High-Risk Activity
We are designed to be in relationship with others. Relationships are good on so many levels, however being in interpersonal relationships puts us at higher risk of getting hurt, disappointed, angry, frustrated, misunderstood, exhausted, and the list goes on. But, the risk I’m talking about is when we pour our entire selves into a relationship, we run a higher risk of losing parts of the person God made us to be. When we look at the parent-child relationship, babies and toddlers are wholly dependent on adults for survival. Humans actually have the longest dependency period of any animal. The weight and duration of this dependence can be identity-crushing for the adult doing the caregiving. Our identity becomes that of a caregiver. We become “James’s mom” or “Emma’s mom” which places our identity in someone else other than God.
Bible verses like Philippians 2:3-4 seemingly support this sacrifice of ourselves and our interests in relationships. Paul writes to the people of Philippi:
…Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of others.
I think we sometimes misunderstand this verse to mean we must value ourselves less in order to value someone else more.
Knowing the nature of God, I don’t think he would ask us to devalue ourselves. Each of us is a unique creation of his and a temple where the Holy Spirit resides, so I feel certain, Paul is not saying to lower our own value. We need to continue to value ourselves as God values us, but we need to value others more.
There is a subtle but very big difference between “I should value others more than I value myself,” and “I should value myself less so that I can value others more.”
Our capacity for love, value, interest, compassion, and concern comes from God, not us. We can love others more than ourselves because God created a capacity in us beyond our understanding. We do not need to store up love or withhold love or “love less” in fear of not having enough because he is the continuous supplier of love, joy, value, compassion, and concern. And he has proven time and time again, he has an endless supply of unconditional love available to us. We are the conduit love runs through so storage should not be a concern for us.
We are called to value ourselves as creations of God. And we are called to value others even more than that.
We must invest in our interests and giftings to fulfill our calling here on earth, and invest even more into the interests and gifting of others.
We are called to care for ourselves as the temples where the Holy Spirit resides and then to care even more for the temples of others also as residences of the Holy Spirit.
Capacity and source are not our concern, distribution is. Valuing others above ourselves can only happen if we view ourselves as conduits, not storage bins. God supplies us with all the love, compassion, concern, and interest we need to care for ourselves well and for others even better.
He is the great supplier, producer, and provider and we are the dispensers of what he provides.
This feels hard not because of what we are asked to do in this verse, this feels hard because of all of the other distractions added to our earthly plates. God keeps it simple, we complicate it. We are not called to be everywhere doing everything for everyone. We are called to take care of ourselves and to take even better care of others.
So, let’s take an inventory of what is on our plates and determine if God put it there or if the world put it there. Let’s not overcomplicate this. What has the world put on your plate that doesn’t need to be there in this season of your parenting?
Maybe we can start by saying no to certain roles and responsibilities that the world says we should be assuming, and focus more on being the conduit of God’s provisions. This just may be the step we need to take to ensure our identity remains in Christ as we parent the children God has entrusted us with. When we recognize and acknowledge our dependence on Him, we can more effectively manage their dependence on us.
God, thank you for your clarity. Thank you for helping us clearly see what you have put us here to do. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to fulfill your word through the blessing of parenthood. Thank you for taking the risk out of parenting through your word and your guidance. We ask that you help us see joy in the opportunities we have to elevate others above ourselves. We lift this up in your son’s precious, holy name.